The Guide

Introduction

• ​Explain that we’re trying to explore vulnerability and how people open up to one another 

General questions

• Who do you want to get to know better?
• What has prevented you from doing so?
• How well do you usually get to know the people you work with?

In what settings have you found it easiest to open up to others in?

• Talk to them about what environmental factors, etc. made this possible
• Around how many people would you say you have relationships with that you’re comfortable with being vulnerable?
• Do you consider yourself to be someone who can easily be vulnerable with others?
• What circumstances?
• With who?

Tell me about a time when you felt like you got to know someone better

• What did you talk about?

How important do you think vulnerability is? Why?

Game-Specific questions

• Show them words that we have as our preliminary set of prompts
• What other words would you want to add?

Conclusion

• Thank them
• Ask them if they had any questions about the goal of the interview

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Excerpts from Participant #1
Male | 20 | Penn Student | Incoming Tech Intern
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My project partner didn't know how to code, so I did most of the work on the app...He had a very valid excuse to not get much work done. It was still frustrating though because we went through the process together, but I was the one who did all the work...I wish I had confronted him. I think my frustration came out at the end. If I’d confronted him, we probably would’ve reached an agreement.
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I’d like to know [a teammate's] personality if working with them directly. Otherwise I wouldn’t feel comfortable communicating with them and everything would crash and burn.
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I don’t think I need to know people working on something tangential to my work, but I guess it might help...It helps you feel good about what you’re working on if people you respect are working on it too. And there’s more of a team feel than just knowing “some people over there” are working on the same thing kind of.
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Icebreakers favor extroverts. Part of that is that most people do icebreakers in a huge group. When one person answers, everyone hears it. I prefer small group icebreakers. Part of the issue with icebreakers is they cause stress. Then you are hyper-sensitive to the fact that other people are observing what you’re saying. But there’s no other way you can put it really.

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Excerpts from Participant #2
Female | 21 | Stanford Student | Symbolic Systems Major | Former Circus Performer
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I shared a role with a girl who was at first very abrasive and not accepting. I had to work very hard to break down that barrier in the first few months. I didn't take her up on fights that she'd present, and wouldn't bite on things that she'd do to bother. I also tried to pursue a personal relationship - figure out things in common, ask about her day, and act interested in her personal life (she liked talking about herself). Being 100% kind and honest all the time. Had to show her that we were joined by wanting to make the show as good as possible, even though we had different views of it.
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If the other person is super open, it's easier to be open. But it all depends on my personal emotional state, regardless of the setting. I usually don't tell people things I wouldn't want the world to know. 
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I'm pretty comfortable sharing general information about myself unless I get strange vibes, just an instinct... If someone asks, I don't mind saying, but I don't like people who overshare. I like to flip it back to them.
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I'd ask a fellow student to go get a coffee at a cafe sometime [to get to know them better]. It's not a long commitment for either person, and it doesn't feel bad to cancel on a coffee.... So, casual, no pressure. It's a easy test, to see if they want to buy you coffee. Coffee shops have lots of people, so there are lots of prompts to talk about from the surroundings, the environment is good.
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[My friend] and I have coffee at her place, and one day just transitioned between “friends” and actual friends. Now we're at point where we can talk about anything - vulnerability, insecurities. It's easy to share, to feel that can trust and not be judged. Being heard without being told what should be... We have an understanding that we had similar backgrounds and values, and saw each other as people who have similar goals and expectations of the people we want to be.
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In professional settings, [vulnerability is not] necessary in a personal way. You should be vulnerable in certain ways, like asking for feedback and implementing it. It's about separating how you determine human value with what happens at work, and taking what helps you make yourself better. You need to be able to filter, build a tough skin.

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Excerpts from Participant #3
Male | 21 | Stanford Student | CS Major | Incoming Intern at Facebook
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How well do you get to know the people you work with?

• Varies a lot. If I were in a class with someone multiple quarters in a row or remember being in the same classes for a quarter (3), were partners. Get to know their work habits and how to communicate them. Don’t know their backstories from working with them. Falls outside the domain of work. Gets comfortable being around them and sharing concerns. Collaborating to overcome difficulty → pretty close to understanding someone. 
• Fades away after quarter ends if that was the sole reason we were spending time together : don’t lose comfort or problem solving capability.

What settings have you found it easiest to open up to others in?

• In a group, very not open. Have a persona that people think that everyone thinks that I am.
• This year: 2 coffee chats. Opened up a lot in those first meetings. Maybe felt like their stories mirrored my own. Felt safer sharing. Sharing to relative strangers = more comfortable than most are

Do you consider yourself someone who can easily be vulnerable with others?

• I think so. Maybe because I don’t know what being truly vulnerable is and I don’t have much to hide. 
• Who: certain people that overtime I realized it’s safe to be vulnerable 
• Generally: can be vulnerable until proven otherwise. Have faith in people 

Time got to know someone better

• Current roommate: didn’t know well through beginning of freshman year. Freshman year neighbors. Interacted in social and group settings/classes, don’t think that's how i get to know people better. On Halloween, did this activity together. Went biking in one direction until we got tired. Ended up on this crazy hill (biking without brakes), scary. Ruined my brakes. Did something we both wanted to do and something that no one else wanted to do. Gave sense of camaraderie. 

Excerpts from Participant #4
Male | 25 | Systems Engineer at a robotics startup
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With how many co-workers do you usually work with or interact with to a large extent? How well do you usually get to know them?

• I don't feel that I get the chance to know my colleagues that well mainly because there hasn't been opportunity to talk about their personal lives even though spend so much time with them. Mostly just talk about work. 

 Who do you want to get to know better? What has prevented you from doing so? 

• In my team specifically, wish team relationships would change, because we can only talk about things related to work. The team leader is very reserved, and doesn't talk much so it makes it harder. To my other teammate it's easier to talk too but he's also shy and follows the team leader more closely as an example.

In what settings have you found it easiest to open up to others in? 

• Times when we talk more are in not-work related activities. But it is very rare for these occasions. Sometimes just casually chatting when too tired to work. Or doing activities like company-funded events. Or one-to-one meetings. 

Around how many people would you say you have relationships with that you’re comfortable with being vulnerable?

• Probably one person because we're in the same situation, i.e. both are newer employees and came from similar background and have worked together. So it helps to have something in common that we know of each other to help bonding.

Do you consider yourself to be someone who can easily be vulnerable with others? What circumstances? With who? 

• Yeah, when I go out of my way to talk about some issue that I care but others don't care or don't think about it. For example hiring and who to hire. I am willing to expose my feelings even if others might not agree.

How important do you think vulnerability is? Why?

• I think it's important because otherwise relationships seem more superficial and not as enjoyable going to work. However, I feel that it's also important to be cautious about saying stuff that will hurt other people's feelings, so sometimes I am more reserved. For example, saying we should hire a more diverse team, sometimes others might not agree.